Elizabeth
Forum Replies Created
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I’ve done my bit in returning my completed survey. To me such a survey and the positive outcomes it will produce are well worth the effort.
I’ve always found the Uniting Church as a whole to be accepting of ‘us lot’
Even for those without any religous affiliation, the UC are kind, very helpful and would provide much support when needed. We need all the support we can muster from whatever source. -
Thanks Amanda A
Like I say, there are definately no clear and definitive answers. Such a revelation may be some years away before there is finally the answer we’ve all been looking for, if we are looking.
That final, clear cut answer would not in any way negate how I feel. And such an answer would not be an excuse for what I am. Do I really need to make excuses for who I am? I think not.
That final answer would, in my view allow a scientific and cohesive explanation to all and sundry.
I’ll bet a years income that despite a genetic or otherwise explanation, we would still lose wives and families, lose some long time friends, experience the same difficulties faced in employment and unemployment. And there would still be the bigots, red necks and those who would wish us harm because we are different.
We are, I think the marginalised of the marginalised. It’s good to be marginalised, because we in some way learn what it is like to be a refuge, an Aboriginal on the edge of society and others who feel the dislike and hate of many. -
Educating the general public on transgenderism, probably my favourite subject, and yet I find the answer to that question somewhat difficult. Primarily, we tg’s talk about ourselves an awful lot, because we are constantly endeavouring to explain ourselves to ourselves, and making excuses for our feminine behaviour.
I think the education of the general public around transgender behaviour will always be an ongoing matter; there’s always something new that seems to rise up. What’s in it for us? I would hope that we accept the public attitude of some acceptability, no longer hiding behind the eternal closet door, being open and totally engaging in society. That’s what I would hope is in it for us. I’m still educating myself around transgenderism and always will because no one knows the real and absolute answer. As I dig deeper into my phsych looking for answers the more questions arise.
I strongly suspect that each and every one of us is still looking for answers, even those people who have undergone SRS and appear to have all the answers and everything in place.
I’m sure many would shoot me down in flames when I say before we can expect the general public to accept us as a whole, we need to know and accept ourselves. I’m still trying so very hard.
I’m not a ‘big picture’ person, I’m someone who sees the little things that make a whole concept. I’ve no idea how to educate on a vast scale, I educate individuals, little by little, I answer their questions as best I can. Have those individuals on side, they in turn defend us and help educate others; a rolling stone so to speak. -
Like Pamela, my clothes were well hidden wherever it was convenient and as opportunities arose so all the clothes were taken out of hiding and thoroughly washed, ironed and re hidden. Messy, full of guilt and shame and definately not to be recommended. Such methods lead to depression, suicidal thoughts and at least self harm.
For me, all is in the open, a perfectly good wardrobe, shelves for wigs, breast forms, etc. etc. shoes sit in the bottom on the floor. I refuse to have anything male within cooee of Liz’s clothes, which may be contaminated. I really don’t have much in the way of male clothing, thank God! an ancient suit for weddings and funerals to keep the bigots happy and a couple of T shirts. My pants are all women’s. Absolutely only the daintiest of underwear. And numerous dresses. Going ‘off topic’ a little.
To keep all your clothes at their best, leave the closet for your clothes and not for you. Out in the open where you ought to be, clothes may then be laundered when necessary ready for their next wearing at a transgernder social event.In the event of my death I have instructed those in charge that I will be dressed in my absolutely best frock, looking as feminine as is possible and going out in style. -
For me it is what I would want to tell my nearest and dearest, that way it is what society as a whole should know. Having been through the whole gambit of emotions during my long and eventful lifetime, I want to let them know just what I feel, deep inside, and maybe, just maybe folk may begin to understand. Much of my stuff has indeed been covered by other contributions, but I’d like to add my own bits.
Transgenderism is something inherent, as I told my ex wife, I was born transgendered and I will die transgendered; it is who I am, not who I aspire to be. I would not wish transgenderism on anyone, because of the tremendous roller coaster ride that such a life offers. I have lived my life up until recent years immersed in enormous guilt, shame and a feeling of worthlessness. Why was I burdened with this awful gender dysphoria, what have I done to deserve such a thing? Why was I rejected by people that I love, not my current wife of almost 40 years. Transgenderism taught me to be secretive, to hide much of my life, and the impact thereof. Transgenderism was the base cause of numerous bouts of acute depressive illnesses, of suicide attempts, and a lifetime of suicidal thoughts. I’m not religous, but why does God hate me so much? Am I a product of the Devil?
I’ve worked extremely hard over my lifetime to accept myself, hoping others will accept me as a result. Unfortunately, I believe the segments of society that appear to accept us, actually tolerate us, family included. Currently, I believe total acceptance is something that may be achieved in the future, but not in my lifetime.
That is what I want society to know. The impact that gender dysphoria has on us, how it rules our lives from birth to death. We are told gender dysphoria is not a mental illness, I want society told of this in no uncertain terms, not by some north American psychiatric manual (DSM V) influenced by American lifestyle and thinking.
I want people to know that even after a lifetime I’m still confused, emotionally buggered and hoping for a resolution. -
The soul? As I said the concept arises from some spiritual beliefs and is for me somewhat ambiguous. I was well aware that it would touch some raw nerves. And no, I’m not religous, despite being baptised as an Anglican. But, by the same token I’m well aware of something beyond what is tangible. Try going into cardiac arrest for the experience, it’s mind blowing.
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To list all dual type names would be very difficult indeed because there would bound to be some that were missed.
My normal birth name is Ellis which could be translated into Elise, although I have been called Alice by the hard of hearing. My original birth name (pre birth) was Daphne, mother was absolutely convinced I was a girl. Guess she was half right. -
Why the hell would I want to change? I’m quite happy as I am. The only pill to take was the magical pill of my childhood to make me a proper girl. I’m still waiting for the clever sods to come up with such a pill. It’ll never happen.
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Kristyana has raised an important issue around the political voice and influence exerted by transgender people. Whilst I would agree our voice appears weak to non existant, we have to view this in context.
Thanks to the strong and vital leadership of Agender Agenda we are endeavouring to make political progress for the benifit of both our sisters and brothers. I feel we are making some headway towards being heard by our pollies both in Canberra and the States. This is not some parochial movement in Australia, but is global and it is the global influence that is making a difference; we are being heard. I feel we as transgenderists are probably several years behind the gay and lesbian movement, but we are making slow but deliberate headway. I also think it is all about education. Whilst we as a group hide behind closet doors we will neither be seen nor heard. Don’t get me wrong, I’m just as guilty as anyone else for the hiding over the years, out of sheer terror of being found out. Follow the examples of the gay and lesbian movement, eg Harvey Milk, be out in the open, be active, raise your voice. I’m timid compared to others who are vocally strong, out and about and making their presence felt.
By the same token I’m well aware of the need by most to preserve their livelihoods and families. I think it a matter of balance. -
Pamela’s reply to the thread resonated with me. Society does have something to answer for around their general bigotary against LGBTI people, I remember my first wife’s comments in regard to transgenderism; it was most hurtful, untruthful and indicated her total lack of knowledge of transgenderism. I gave as good as I recieved! However, I believe the only way to improve understanding throughout the public in general is by education. Educate them individually, even if it’s only one person, it’s a start. The alternative as an individual is to sink into that eternal black hole with greasy sides. Those who have experienced depression will know exactly what I’m talking about.
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I’ve been reading this thread with much interest and Chelsea’s great difficulty in securing employment. The replies that have been forthcoming have been tremendous, however I found Portia’s reply most apt and to the point. If people looking for work and employment would follow Portia’s advice they would be on the road to gaining useful employment.
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Chloe sums everything up by saying it doesn’t really matter anyway, we’re a long time dead. Of course Chloe is absolutely right, however, it’s not what others think that counts, it’s what we think of ourselves in the final analysis. I shed an inner tear when Chloe divulged her onetime suicide attempt when she was younger. I often wonder the percentage of us women and girls who have been down that self same path. As we approach very old age and the likelyhood of a near death, it does make us stop and think, it most certainly does me. Not ashamed of a suicide attempt (a few) in reality, I think it goes with the territory. Chloe, you sound ok to me. To be hit by a London bus, I think you’ll need to be in London. Travel well.
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My God! when I read Chloe’s thread I became almost more confused about myself than ever. Like Chloe and probably a thousand others who are gender confused I’ve been stuggling for years, no, a lifetime around my gender and really have never come to a satisfactory conclusion to explain my utter and total confusion. Again like thousands before me and thousands since I definately thought I was the only person in the world like me, so therefore I must be unique. That was shot down in flames at an early stage, but without a satisfactory answer or explanation which may have directed me on a correct course through my life so easing my utterly confused mind into something quite tangible. What the hell am I?
Like Chloe, for many, many years I was a crossdresser, or in those far off days a transvestite. That somehow never sat right, because I always had this inner nagging feeling that crossdresser didn’t fit. So, I must be something else, but what? I couldn’t confidently say I hated my male genitals, again because I wasn’t sure. TS’s I was led to believe considered their male genitals an abomination which the only course of action was to rid themselves of that abomination and create a facsimile of female genitals. I was never sure where I fitted on that score. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, life went on as a male, and the years quickly passed with my male genitalia intact, but my mind still in continued utter confusion. No one appeared able to direct me to a solution, either by the experts, nor the alledged experts. Then what? some bright spark came up with all these alternative handles, but none really fitted nor explained ‘me’ to my satisfaction. Perhaps I was just an unexplained weirdo?
Transgender went some way as an explanation, but that label is an umbrella term only and, again doesn’t explain my feelings. I tried ‘the’ expert, Dr Fintan Harte, not bad, and readily open to providing the usual pills and potions etc, except for my terrible health concerns. I was left with nothing, ‘up in the air’
Eventually, the only satisfactory answer came to me in an inspired moment in time. I was ‘me’. It really never mattered what the official answer was. I just thought and said to myself, I’m me, and it doesn’t matter. -
Chloe is pretty right in her thoughts on where she as an indivual presenting at the very least andro. Much like me, I’m the same and treat everyone as I would like to be treated. Again and again it is stressed that confidence comes with self acceptance, something one has to work hard at, it doesn’t come easy. But in the end it’s worth it.
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I had to think very carefully about a reply to this thread. I suppose growing old gracefully means accepting who we are at any given time in life, warts an’ all. Sounds easy doesn’t it? I think it depends on the individual and how they see themselves, and how the ageing body is coping with all the stresses imposed by age related diseases and how it affects our mobility. Ageing is a fact of life, and non of us escape. What was the old maxim, ‘ Go like hell and burn out as opposed to rusting out’
My experience tells me you get out of life what you put into it. That usually means your interaction with others and what you have done for them. The more you give, the more you recieve in return. Thats what ageing gracefully is about.
We no longer wear killer heels, our feet no longer allow it. Hemlines are required to be below the knee; the older you are, the lower the hem. (I’m down to the ankles). We battle numerous diseases (with the help of the medical profession). Our skin droops; if you have boobs they’ll be driving south. Varicose veins play hell with aching legs. Showering can be tiring, and pulling on pantyhose almost an impossibilty. Ones failing eyesight plays havoc when trying to apply makeup. And so the list goes on and on.In the final analysis I know it’s to look back on one’s life and say with pride ‘I did my best at the time and I wouldn’t change thing’. That’s being graceful.
To cap it off take a lead from April Ashley, 77 years of age, looks smart, walks with aid of a stick. Britains first ‘sex change reciprient’ sic. April became a Vogue model, actress, travelled the world. Most of her life was spent advocating for the transgender community, writing thousands of letters to the appropriate people, and public speaking. April has been awarded the MBE, presented by Prince Charles for her work with the transgendered community. A lady of grace, an inspiration to us all. I remember her as a stunning looking young woman in about 1960. I aspired to be like her. I didn’t make it. Forget ‘Wrinkley Villas’ only 5% of folk use them.
Look at http://www.BBC. co.uk