[Elizabeth]

I’ve often thought about being in the wrong place at the wrong time when I’m Liz. The answer is hypothetical as Liz is eternal, even if, heaven forbid, required to cross dress and wear a suit Liz is still Liz. I’m told on good authority that emergency services accept such contingencies without batting an eyelid. The major problem when hit by a bus whilst wearing the attire of you’re other self is for hospital staff knowing where to put you; men’s ward or ladies ward. And, no I’m quite serious, if you’re complete, the men’s ward, sculptured into the idyllic body representative of Cassandra, the ladies ward.
Me, I really don’t give a stuff, I’m me irrespective of whatever bed in whatever ward I’m in. My concession in hospital is, I wear PJ’s from Myer’s intimate apparel department along with my most feminine robe. Usually if your sick enough you wouldn’t care at all.
My mum always said wear clean undies just in case you’re run over. My response is don’t get run over and if in an accident when driving ensure the rude bits are not open to show.

[Elizabeth]

Had I been in your shoes Martina, I think I would have asked the fellow where his spectacles were. If that would have failed I probably would have raced off into the ladies to check in the mirror; there may have been an unknown magical instant transformation from crabby old bastard to beautiful, voluptuous piece of crumpet. Magical and mysterious events happen in Bangkok as we all know; just look around you.

[Elizabeth]

How refreshing to experience positive outcomes (pun not intended) from being your true self and letting people know just who you really are. I recently had dinner with Donna and her wife, a lovely couple of people. Keep up the good work Donna, go, go, go!

[Elizabeth]

I really do wonder what goes on in some people’s minds and how those minds work. Focusing on the weeing habits of children is, to my mind is going a wee bit too far. I always considered the Canadians a little more progressive than the Yanks with a distinct difference in people between the two nations. I think it always comes down to one thing, power! It’s about people having power over others, it starts in the home environment, power of parent over children. In the workplace power of the bosses over the employees, and so on to wars where one nation seeks power over another nation. Its much the same as domestic violence in my humble opinion, usually the male having physical power over the female, which also is a display of cowardice. As an ex copper I have seen the domestic violence where the usual boot is on the other foot.
Getting back to ‘The Bathroom Bill’ I despair of the small minds of some politicians. Instead of dividing a community I think it is perhaps better to try and join than community with common goals. I can’t speak for NSW or other States or the Northern Territory, but in the ACT it’s perfectly legal to use the appropriate loo; wearing a frock, use the ladies!

[Elizabeth]

Coming out to those close to you.

An addition to my reply to the topic. I consider my GP relatively close in so much as he is my primary health care provider. Being my primary health care provider I consider he/her ought to know as much about me as is possible. When no long ago I had to find a new GP amongst the first things I said to him, ‘I’m transgender’ I considered it as much part of my health history as a heart attack or a stroke (had both). I think he nodded and carried on downloading my history.

I found it absolutely imperative that a GP knows all about you so that they can take everything into consideration when making decisions on health matters and the appropriate courses of action. Honesty is the best policy in all circumstances. All my admissions have followed mt through to hospitals and subsequent treatments. I have always been treated with courtesy and due respect.

[Elizabeth]

Another hairy subject, again because we are all different and pose differing circumstances. I feel the topic poses a question, why do want to come out?
The answer to the question is about how one feels and how does being transgender affect your life?
Speaking for myself and probably many others, coming out to all the necessary people in life creates a massive sense of relief and eventual calmness. All my life I have suffered the (I think) the consequences of being transgender; depression, suicidal thoughts and on occasions actions. The whole gambit of living a life that was, mostly miserable, degrading and full of woe. Let me add for most of my life I hadn’t come to grips with what was causing all my mental health challenges.
Coming out to me was an effort to relieve the mounting necessity of preserving my sanity and health. Looking back to many years ago it was a slow but deliberate process. Starting with my second wife (who many know) it was a case of she found out by trial and error from then on it snowballed in concentric circles. I told my son who was somewhat ambivalent on the issue and still is. The closer the friends the sooner they were enlightened. In the main there were no adverse reactions, those that found my revelations disconcerting disappeared into the ether, and good luck to them. The rest, and there are limited numbers are still around. MY mother never knew, I was chicken to open up to her. Some people found out and are still around.
I think ‘coming out’ is something only the individual can act upon depending on their circumstances; horses for courses so to speak. But I can tell that those who are reading this ditty, my life is a definite improvement. I no longer find it necessary to hide myself, my wardrobe or for that matter any other aspects of my life except that of my choosing. My mental health is good, very good and I want to keep it way for my sake and the sake of those close to me.
Only the individual can make such a momentous choice, but it takes enormous courage to tell someone very close your lifelong secret. Perhaps its worth it?

[Elizabeth]

Interesting subject.

like most subjects I can only speak (write) from my own perspective and experiences.
When I was a youngster, when I can no longer remember, to be looked on as being feminine required one to present in all things pertaining to the fairer gender. Now that was a mindset of my own and invalid perceptions of what it was to be a bit of crumpet; I was wrong. The opposite may have been the perceptions of what it was to be male. Males were big and hairy, often aggressive with less concern for others. Think about it; we all know that is just not right, males are mostly caring, sensitive, compassionate, qualities seen in women, bigger and hairier, yes. In other words we are seeing qualities instilled in humanity, irrespective of gender. Both genders are quite capable of the less desirable qualities, but then we are all human. The human psych is in two halves, the good, the lesser good, the black, the white, the light and then there is the dark side.
I don’t think I am any more feminine than any female; I’m human, I am what I am, I have been endowed with something I cannot explain, nor, can anyone else even though they try.
I express the femininity within me by the clothing I prefer to wear. The older I am the less I am prepared to waste hours tarting myself up. Like Adrian a pair of pants and a top, I’m ready for Coles. (I haven’t dropped to wearing PJ’s for shopping at Walmart syndrome)
If I had to crossdress in male clothing, I would still be transgender, I would still retain my strong femininity; I would still be me. I am not trying to anyone else, I am not trying to emulate the female persona, I am what I am.

[Elizabeth]

Looking a little matronly? I feel more like Miss Marple minus the knitting. Lets’ see just what a professional make up artist can achieve come Transformal.

Even a teeny weeny hint of foundation can and does eradicate the ruddy glow of alcohol and the ravages of many, many years of treading grapes in the great outdoors.
Make up is an enhancer, a mask to hide the years of living dangerously; less is better so I’ve heard.

[Elizabeth]

What is the middle path?

A very broad question indeed and I guess there are as many answers as there are individuals. For me the simple answer is that I’ve always been too terrified to do anything about what I am, transgender. So, I’m stuck in the middle ground, being transgender without undergoing the changing bits, like hormones and surgery. Mind you, it’s not that simple, nothing ever is.

I’m married, and wish to stay that way which means there are massive brakes on transitioning anywhere. Being married is a comfort zone and difficult to escape from.

I’m timid which means I’m terrified of entering into some course of action that is liable to change the course of my history and direct me from my comfort zone.

I’m from a different era in history where admitting to being transgender, or at the time, horrors, a crossdresser. One would be admitted to the fruit farm and the key thrown away. We kept very quiet and bottled everything up, tending to become depressed in a big way, often suicidal. Our freedom was restricted, at least it felt that way. Not everyone is outgoing in the expressing of their femininity.

Life tended to pass us by, we just got on with life as was on a daily basis.
We worried as to what others would think of us; unnecessary as the others can get stuffed. Lead your own life, it’s more important.

Terrible health challenges negate any chance of transitioning.
So in the end we, (me) do the best we can with what we have, travelling down the middle road. Hang on, I have transitioned, I don’t need a surgeons scalpel or chemicals to be who I am. I am who I am and always have been.

[Elizabeth]

One wish, what would it be?
Knee jerk reactions came to mind, but dismissed. I therefore had to think very carefully. And of course bearing in mind the question relates to being transgender etc.
After some thought I came to the conclusion that I would have gone back in time and, despite all the obstacles of the times, I would have requested, like the lion in the Wizard of Oz, courage. Courage to have been my true self, courage to face up to all the challenges of being trans. Courage to have sought help years ago when social acceptance and attitudes deemed transgender people were derided and shunned. Courage to face the daily self loathing and the accompanying suicidal thoughts and deeds.
I’m not really sure that I lacked courage, it just appears that way to me. Being transgender is a constant daily struggle brought on mainly, I believe by self doubt.

Forget the luxurious hair, I have hair, a full head, handy? yes, but not really that important when there are some decent wigs around.

[Elizabeth]

NO!

[Elizabeth]

Talking to Lisa on Saturday evening after her long month of silence, I thought her voice sounded authentically feminine, but then I’m as deaf as a post without hearing aids and Saturday was one such time. I wish Lisa all the very best for the coming months of vocal restraint.

On a lighter note, I know of a couple of people who would normally be very vocal under the proverbial ‘six feet of wet concrete’ who would benefit being totally silent for a month, followed by vocal restrictions for six months.

[Elizabeth]

I’ve been thinking very deeply over all the posts that have been presented, and all have valid points. What comes to mind as commonalities is anger and a sense of being vulnerable and helpless in the case of such suicides.
Suicide, unfortunately is a very complex issue and the reasons for attempting suicide and self harm are multiple. It’s not just a case of being trans. Rejection and abandonment are common and may come from parents, spouses, partners and even friends.

Self harm is usually a cry for help, consciously or unconsciously, a plea to those who are hurting for support. Suicide is the ultimate method of ending the pain when no other options appear available. Suicide is a choice, a personal choice, not something imposed by others, otherwise it would be viewed as murder.

People seem to accept gay folk readily over trans folk primarily because trans folk are confronting especially a male who presents as a female in a dress and all the usual accouterments. And that is why folk, including, my precious wife find us bloody confronting. One can be gay and appear perfectly normal as the rest of ‘normal people’

It’s a tough and very difficult subject, that is why we have organisations such as Lifeline etc. Preventing someone from suicide is possible and extremely draining, I know. Yes, I to become bloody angry at religious nuts imposing their beliefs on others, yet they to are entitled to their beliefs and usually backed by law.

I sincerely hope such tragedies wouldn’t happen in Australia, but unfortunately I fear they do. We can only do our utmost in supporting each other in our corner of the world, being aware and there for others is the way to go.

[Elizabeth]

My initial reaction is that of deep sadness. We still live in a society that does not accept our transgender brothers and sisters. Despite the fact that we are constantly being fed glowing reports of general acceptance, most people are probably against us. We are a minority, a weird minority that a few years ago would have been confined to a psychiatric hospital and dished out with electric shock treatment. I can remember 60 years ago feeling much the same as that young person who took her life. I tried at sixteen but failed, but it was a secret, a deep secret that I still carry around with on a daily basis. It was the first attempt, but not the last, there have been a few. There was no one to talk to, and again despite the internet, counselling, accepting shrinks, glowing transgender groups, publicity we still have suicides just because they are trans. Being trans is not the basic reason, the basic reason is “no one to listen’ The suicidal person feels absolutely isolated, totally alone without a soul to turn to; there is, for them only one way out.
You’re right I’m passionate about preventing suicide and aiding those who contemplate suicide. In my personal view suicide reflects the uncaring attitude of a society in which we live. This attitude commences with the family, the basic block of society. If the family rejects you what chance have you?
No, I don’t know the answer, I wished I did. I can only think of education which is difficult trying to educate folk who are dogmatic in the beliefs, and their basic tenants in life.
We in AGA, in Canberra do try and are constantly providing answers to enquiring minds, universities, TAFE, nursing schools, medical practitioners etc. It’s one of my leading reasons for being a member, apart from the social activities which show some of our society that we as a segment of society are not a threat to fabric of the greater society We are just ordinary folk trying to lead ordinary lives.
I feel so sad for the loss of such a young life, let’s hope her death was not in vain.

[Elizabeth]

This is a fantastic opportunity for us as a group to support a segment of the Katoomba community. In turn, Katoomba supports us, and I know that many of the townspeople are fully behind us. Transformal has become a traditional part of the Katoomba calender, not forgetting that we do bring business to the town.

My mobility is a little limited, does IDAHOT accept shufflers to the Council offices and back?