[Martina]

One of my all-time favorite movies, watched several times, was Kinky Boots which has now metamorphosed into a stage musical. Sadly I have not seen it. (sigh)

[Martina]

Lovely article Jessica. It certainly encapsulates all the major aspects of our lives and there’s some sound advice also. Thankfully, I have an accepting wife and it is wonderful to be able to share Martina’s existence with her. When I go shopping for clothes, I take her with me so she can choose stuff for herself; sometimes she buys more than me but it is also helpful to get her opinion on things; indeed, she sometimes spots a dress or skirt in my size that I have missed rummaging through the hangers. The sharing aspect is a major bonus and I always have great sympathy for those who cannot share their female sides with their partners; I did it in my “early days” trapped between the triple dilemmas of discovery, potential rejection and accusations of deceitfulness. As you say, those of us who are able to cross that bridge successfully are very lucky indeed but for many, sadly, it will be an ongoing impossibility.

Why do we do it? The answer will vary from person to person, but for me I am content to know that I have two people living inside me and they both need attention. As one of my friends once said: “I like being a boy, but I love being a girl!” :cheer:

[Martina]

As Jane says, people can be very selective in the source material they use to support their arguments against same-sex marriage. It’s a measure of our civilization and fair-mindedness that homosexuality between consenting adults is no longer a crime and that public attitudes generally seem to favor the idea of same-sex marriage. That our basic moral values were first recorded in the Bible and have been built on through ethical thought and sometimes backed up through secular legislation can only be good; but to use the Bible to back up bigotry and hateful thought is, judging by the learned articles referred to in Adrian’s post, a sin in itself. I thought the related article on Margaret Court’s public outburst was also very interesting; I wonder if she has read it!

(I hasten to add that I am not religious and only ever look at the Bible for historical or other reference reasons. Albert Einstein deplored any doctrinal groups such as communists, Nazis and religious fanatics, that seek to fetter our freedom to think for ourselves; I’m with him!)

[Martina]

Thanks Adrian and Josephine for your inputs which are very relevant. The main thing that attracted me to Lacey Leigh’s articulation of how to approach the problem was her first question, namely: Do you have a real marriage? This is because I have always asked a very similar question, in the first instance of myself, and then of others who have sought my advice: Is the marriage strong? Is it a true marriage?

In accord with what you have said about compromise, I have always encouraged one small step at a time. Some years ago, when I was an admin on a website called crossdresserclub.com (now defunct), there was a wife who joined out of sheer desperation after her husband revealed his passion for cross-dressing and wanted to dress at every opportunity. The husband was not a member but joined shortly afterwards, probably with his wife’s encouragement. Our advice to them was quite uniform: in brief, take a step (or two) back and work through this carefully and methodically; find your common comfort zones, find what will work for you both now and move forward from there, slowly, respecting each others’ space.

The part of Lacey Leigh’s insights that does not gel with me is the idea of having a partner who is a cheer-leader, a concept which would be extraordinary and perhaps not even desirable for the majority of us. My partner, Twiggy, gives me tremendous support in so many ways, for which I am humbly grateful, but I am relieved that she is not shouting it from the rooftops with a fanfare of trumpets; I am after all a very private person. There are agreed rules too, the main one being that we are never seen in public together (except at the Transformal of course!). This is small price to pay considering that in every other respect she is my confidante, co-conspirator, critic, carer and adviser-in-chief. I feel very lucky, as I know many do not have the privilege of being able to share, which is, I feel, a very sad thing. As Josephine says, perhaps greater public awareness and the changes that hopefully come with it will improve this situation in future years.

[Martina]

Thanks everyone. My old wigs have been sent to a new address in Sydney. I hope the new owner enjoys them.

[Martina]

I have to agree with what you are saying Emma. For me the internet has been a wonderful vehicle for meeting new people and a great facilitator in my own self-discovery. Martina has vastly more friends than her rather anti-social male counterpart and can boast of friends in Australia, UK, Canada, USA, Egypt, and Thailand. (By “friends” I do mean real friends and not the casual acquaintances one encounters on Facebook and Flickr). Several of them I have met, befriended and gone out with, and as you suggest that is really the most fun. I do go out on my own from time to time as my wife, who supports me in every other way, does not like to accompany me. Generally I find most people are unobservant and ignore me – I even walked around the block in our nearby village and it was as if i did not exist. One of the local hairdressers does my wigs and she is so nice to me: it’s wonderful.

I also have fond memories of a website called “Crossdresser Club” through which I met several wonderful people, so of whom are still close friends. Sadly the website disappeared from the scene after being taken over by some ill-spirited people who proved to be its downfall. But at least I am able to keep in touch with them through Facebook and other electronic means.

Lastly, I liked your mention of age-inappropriate hem lines as I have to admit to being a transgressor in that respect but only at night after a few drinks!

Thanks again for an excellent post and sharing your story with us.

[Martina]

I have no experience of taking estrogen and I have no desire to start. I do, however, have friends who have taken the pills with differing results. As Adrian suggests, we are all as individuals very different and what works for one person may or may not work for another.

One of my friends took estrogen for a few months but found that she became so depressed that she had to stop. Another friend had a similar reaction but changed to estrogen patches which she says have less side effects (for her) except that her nipples “itch like crazy”. :S

I guess the key thing is to be prepared to experiment and find what works for you. Horses for courses as they say.

[Martina]

Thank you Caty. That’s very interesting, especially as I had no idea this happened at such prestigious universities. Quite an eye-opener!

I did work at a Thai university once where there were several cross-dressing students, both male and female. But I don’t recall seeing them perform in any shows like the ones you have portrayed here.

[Martina]

For what it’s worth, Wikipedia says:

“Sex change in wrasse is generally female-to-male, but experimental conditions have allowed for male-to-female sex change. Placing two male Labroides dimidiatus wrasses in the same tank will result in the smaller of the two becoming female again.[14] Additionally, while the individual to change sex is generally the largest female,[15] evidence also exists of the largest female instead “choosing” to remain female in situations in which she can maximize her evolutionary fitness by refraining from changing sex.[16]”

[Martina]

This topic is no doubt of great interest to those who seek to live full-time as a female. I don’t have such a need and am happy living my double-life (aided immensely by a wife who actively supports me); nevertheless, I do empathise with those who might seek this path. We are after all just trying to be ourselves in what we perceive as a potentially hostile world.
A case in point happened over twenty years ago in a large organisation in which I worked. One of our number, a respected scientist, made it known that he would henceforward be seen as a woman and would undertake the various physical and chemical processes deemed necessary to make the transition. Some years later, after I had left, I asked one of my colleagues whether she was still there and whether she had found acceptance among her workmates. He said that she was accepted without reservation mainly because of the totally honest way in which she had gone about it. He added that he had never heard any snide remarks behind her back or any negative criticism of what she had done. Given that this took place so long ago may be an indicator that our fears are over-stated and we are much further down the track towards acceptance of who we are.

[Martina]

Must admit I had no idea such laws existed and am horrified that they did and still do in so many countries; I really thought that Eugenics was a thing of the past belonging to now mostly extinct autocratic regimes.

The UN is right to oppose such laws as an affront to human rights.

[Martina]

I recently visited Vietnam and dressed in the hotel where were were staying and venturing out for photos occasionally. I had done some research and discovered that Vietnam has never had any anti-gay laws in its history but found nothing about attitudes to the rest of the LGBT equation. I was wondering if the lack of a statistic in the table is because there have been no recorded TG deaths or because there are no statistics available?

I go out often in Thailand wearing a wide range of outfits, with various degrees of remarkability including some things I shouldn’t, but have never had any problems. Mind you, I deliberately stay away from places where westerners tend to congregate in large groups as I don’t trust my own kind to behave themselves. Of course, I pass them in the street and in the shopping malls, but again have not had any issues; in the main, they don’t seem to notice me – except the night I walked down a dark lane and got a wolf-whistle while passing a bar but I kept walking and nothing happened thankfully.

[Martina]

Thank you Bridgette. I agree with what you are saying about gender recognition. Our grandson, who just turned 5 last Wednesday, continues to insist that he is a girl; however, our feeling is that we should neither encourage nor discourage him from pursuing his girly interests; he will have to figure it out for himself while, of course, we watch with great interest. (It does make me wonder though if gender orientation can be inherited but that could be the subject of a different post perhaps.)

[Martina]

Thank you Adrian. It was of course my pleasure as was the whole weekend. Of the three Transformals I have been to, this was the best.
Martina

[Martina]

Here are some photos from the weekend:
Transformal 2017