[Elizabeth]

Hi Caty,

No doubt your heart was in your mouth and wished a giant hole would appear swallowing you up. On the other hand such a revelation may be a good thing, at least Caty is now (hopefully) out in the open. Lets hope is goes a positive way.
A suggestion, have her read the Womens Weekly (current) and read Lt. Col. Cate McGregor’s story. Invite her to the Transformal allowing her to speak to others and perhaps SO’s.

Good luck,
Liz

[Elizabeth]

Lingerie, a word that may conjour up images of the daintiest of frillies. I have just read a post (not on TgR) from a woman who detested the word panties (an American word) substituted for the more traditional knickers. There were others who agreed with her including some men and some suggestive replies.
Perhaps that begs the question, where do you keep your knickers etc? I collect the washing off the line and neatly fold ‘her’ objects so that she can put them away. My collection of the unmentionables are frequently collected from the washing line, neatly folded by ‘her’ ready for me to put away.
I gather some TgR members have a dual collection for the appropriate occassion. Her indoors once told a TgR group that Liz most definately didn’t even own male undies, and no I don’t; threw the DRAB underwear out a good many years ago, thank God. No, I don’t hide everything in some cubby hole, everything has it’s place in my draws, and why not?
As I have aged so has my practical taste in knickers, SLOGGI an upper crust market Cottontails brand first encountered in the UK. They’re cotton, cool to wear but unfortunately may be classified as passion killers (depending who you are with).

[Elizabeth]

I am, at the very best Agnostic, leaning on the side of pure Athiest. Her indoors is a very strong Catholic and usually follows the doctrine of the ruling church, except for naughty priests and brothers who molest the children placed in their wondeful care. I myself was indoctrinated into the Anglican church which is basically Catholic except the priests are allowed to marry except it doesn’t prevent some liking children.
Now the question of God and crossdressing. What the hell has some imaginary invisible friend to do with what I choose to wear? I’m sure that if there is a God she couldn’t give a damn what the hell I wear. Being the eternal agnostic and backing the question from both sides I will be in my coffin wearing my very best posh frock; the SO is well aware of my wishes and will comply. Upon presentation to God whom I predict is a beautiful and youthful looking bird I will curtsy showing my very best side. I will be accepted as one of the eternal and ruling sisterhood striking down dishonoured priests and haunting those who have slipped under the holy radar.
Crossdressing and religon striking an inbalance, nah! if there is any conflict it’s between our own social conscious and the inflicted ruling social dogma of the day.

[Elizabeth]

I suppose each and everyone in the TG community finds their own balance in their own way. In a relationship the balance has to include the other partner and what they will accept and of course what they are unwilling to accept; there are bounderies to observe. I’ve have been struggling with the balancing act for nigh on 40 years and I still am on a learning curve. It’s a daily tightrope walk, frequently walking on eggs endeavouring to keep the peace whilst maintaining one’s sanity.
Trying to judge what mood ‘her indoors’ is experiencing and how she is likely to react to any given situation, eg. standing upright and in full view wearing one’s favourite lingerie. Such a presentation would likely exact a instant and heated reaction, or would it?
I struggle to find a true balance in life and it’s not easy. A partner has a right to expect his or her sanity to be maintained. I have often considered throwing in the towel, seperating and travelling my own individual course through life, but then I think of ‘her indoors’ as my lifelong and loving partner whose needs must be considered at all times. The necessary balance in my troubled life is my responsibility and mine alone.
The balance I am refering to is based around my wife and family only; I do not have to find balance elsewhere, if they, ie friends etc are unhappy with my TG ways then they are no longer friends and are free to go their seperate ways.

[Elizabeth]

Emotional Transition, is it real? Of course it is, 100% and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
I’ll go so far as to say, emotional transition is, to my mind the most crucial part of any transition. Your mind transitions as well as one’s phyisical body. It’s a matter how you feel within yourself, an acceptance of who and what you are. I think I can probably speak for just about every transgender person that is or ever has been, we have battled our emotional selves throughout our lives until we reach that point where we say, that’s it, I now who I am and accept how I feel. That moment in time when we totally accept ourselves for who we are, a point where we shed that proverbial weighty transgender millstone from around our necks and be our true selves; it’s a personal liberation.
I am not one who has rejected family and friends blissfully cantering through a transition only to say to myself, ‘where have my family and close friends gone’? I emotionally transitioned some time ago and am out and proud, it’s a wonderful feeling. Coffee, I wish you the very best in your ongoing journey.

[Elizabeth]

Bah! Humbug.

A very merry Christmas to everyone. I hope that the coming year brings happiness, joy and the peace so richly deserved.

Hugs to all
Liz

[Elizabeth]

Oh dear, between the devil and the deep blue sea. There is no individual answer because everyone is different with differing circumstances. One thing I have learned over the years is that relationships where one is on the transition road do not survive. There are always exceptions and you may be the one to prove me wrong.
Transitioning tears families apart despite the very best intentions on both sides of the relationship. You cannot expect your wife to hang around whilst you transition from male to female. It’s either one or the other, as simple as that.
I hope you have a brilliant and knowledgeable psychologist who can work the miracles on both sides of your equation. A psychiatrist may give soothing words and medication but are usually a little frail on seeking what you and your wife are seeking. There are tough and very tough decisions to be made and faced up to. Your wife married a man, not a man morphing into a woman. I wish both you, your wife and family the very best. I think the decisions to be made are yours and yours alone.

[Elizabeth]

There are as many varying views on the issue of achieving balance in the life of a transgender person as there are transgender people. We are all different with differing points of view. One thing we seem to have in common is the constant battle between living a ‘normal standard life’ and the life of a transgendered person. It’s the constant struggle between the two conflicting lives that frequently manifest into inner anger resulting into endogenous depression, and sometimes bipolar disorders; nothing is easy.

One thing is definate without exception, there is no escaping that inner turmoil. Much of this subject for discussion has been said over the years in the existance of TgR, however life is a continuing learning process so there is always something to add that results from those experiences. Enjoying the fruits of constant happy companionship in marriage and family is a God given sanctity that is well worth preserving. Ditching that sanctity to achieve as what Amanda said ‘living your life as your true self’ is one thing but a hard act to follow. The cookie jar analogy is a good one but a very simple analogy. We are human with all the human fobiles, mountains of weaknesses and distractions.
If you are lucky, very lucky from some perspectives you will have a wife who not only accepts your transgender side but actively participates in that lifestyle. Such acceptance is a rarity indeed, in reality it is all but non existant. Put yourself in the shoes of you wife, how would you feel and react? Would you accept your wife if she suddenly presented as a male, taking testosterone and considered having topside surgery?

From my long life experiences in the transgender community let me assure you that successful marriages are indeed a rarity. Most marriages end in divorce, not only do you lose your wife but also your children and in time your grandchildren; let me assure you, it’s painful, I know.
I suggest you come clean to your wife, totally clean, hope for the best and be prepared for a great deal of compromise. Before you can expect your wife and any extended family to accept your feminine side you must accept yourself, that is paramount.

Let’s hope we will see you at the Transformal in Katoomba in 2014, with your wife, it maybe a learning experience for both of you.

[Elizabeth]

I read the article on intersex rights with great interest and find myself confused. I am not confused by the reality of intersexed people, but by apparently misguided, misinformed opinions of some contributors expressing their views on the article. Now, I’m not an expert on intersex people, although I personally know a couple who, to me are perfectly normal human beings.
This then begs the question, ‘what is normal?’ It appears to me it is the same old story, being retold again and again in some form or another since the dawn of time; segments of humanity imposing their views and ideas of what is right and wrong on other segments of humanity. I would defend the rights of any minority to the bitter end, but that is something personal and inate.
Forget the religious fanatics, irrespective of their persuasion, they refuse to learn and accept what is right, believing their views are the only views of any worth. No one has the right to determine how a child should look to bring that child into the realms of so called normality and I would urge our members to support any moves to ban such practices. Perhaps I’m endeavouring to impose my views on others?
Why oh why can’t people leave well alone and accept the status quo of nature?
Are Transgendered people normal? The vast majority of the population would say no, but I would say we are, as a minority quite normal, like intersex people, we’re all part of the diversity of nature.

[Elizabeth]

The ideas that folk come up with.
Yeah, most of my dresses have back zips which I don’t even bother with; I just slip the whole thing over my head with zip done up, just like slipping on a poncho. I have to wear something of a cover over when the dress is on and I have to apply the makeup. Twas easy last year in Katomba when I had to buy an emergency dress for the Transformal. The sales lady kindly came into the fitting room and did the zip up, but then I hadn’t bought the dress at that momnet. I removed the dress as my traditional method and carried on as normal.
The fishing line sounds to be a solid method. Having a partner who will ‘zip you up’ is preferable.
I have other things to worry about then back zips.

[Elizabeth]

I’m a twister, much easier even though it does stretch the little buggers after a while, or is it me losing weight?
On the other hand, how do you undo the bra? chicken winging via the back unattatching, or slip off the shoulders and twist to the front to undo. Personally, I’m a chicked winger when undoing.
I’m sure that if I had the real things, (boobs that is) I wouldn’t wear a bra, I’d be a woman of the seventies and burn the damn things. (Is that right?)

[Elizabeth]

I find an amazing diversity of responses and thinking when it comes to being transgendered. My original thoughts have triggered other ongoing thoughts that for me have never been resolved; until now.
All my life I have never at any time felt comfortable in the company of men and, even when asked really couldn’t explain why. I feel calmer in the company of some, perhaps the more gentler, sensitive male, so I’m not trying to generalise. I like some dancers, writers, sculptors etc. but even then I’m cautous, although most people I know who fit into that catergory are female.
Jannine seemed to sum up my feelings when she said, ‘I have never fitted into their world’. My sentiments entirely, despite me having tried and tried many times to fit in, with little success.

[Elizabeth]

Lovely observations from members on HRT. There are common threads but like everything else being human, HRT would have differing levels of effects on different individuals.
Due to awful health reasons I’ve never partaken HRT. However, being a crabby, wrinkled old bugger I have noticed certain effects of the ageing process in respect of hormones. For a start the testosterone levels have diminished quite dramatically causing natural bodily alterations. Firstly the machinary doesn’t work as well, who cares? Have noticed increase in boob size, hormone effects or pectoral droopiness? I suspect the latter. Weight gain, probably eat too much, especially the wrong foods. Placidness, nah! I have noticed an increase in crankiness alongside a cranky face set in concrete. Loss of muscle tone? never had much anyway. Hair? well I’ve always had hair, and very little greying, now a nice ‘Bob’ length and styled. Do I feel more feminine? now that’s a difficult question; I honestly don’t know, I most certainly feel more comfortable in my own skin, and far more comfortable as myself irrispective of the consequences, and I don’t mind mixing with the general public as Liz. If they, the general public don’t like it, well then they have a problem. As has been said many time previously, it’s not so much the HRT that counts, it’s the self acceptance that’s the most important hormone.

[Elizabeth]

I guess I’m not necessarily in a good space at the moment, but I thank each and everyone for their responses to the question I posed. In the first place, I think I was focussing on those closest to us who may have asked just how it is to be trans. Amanda-Adrian said you wouldn’t ask a black person what is like to be black or a person with a cleft palette what it was like for them to have that defect, no you wouldn’t in a month of Sundays. But then neither would you tell them they were absolutely insane or weirdo’s who should be locked up and the key thrown away for being what they are; yes, you would show them the respect they deserve as human beings.

The only person who asked me the question, ‘how is ity for you?’ are the gurus of transgenderism, Dr Fintan Harte, but then it’s his job. People have asked me many other questions, how is it for you with diabetes?, how was it having a stroke? what was the heart attack like? All were relevant but no one goes down the road of being trans. I really hope such things will change, too late for me but for up and coming generations of gender challenged people it has to change.

[Elizabeth]

The question makes me squirm, I wonder why?
I’ve questioned my sexuallity over the years, many years but have always come to the conclusion that I’m hetero, or am I sexually fluid and change from day to day.
I love looking at good looking birds, anything from 18 to 80 and males do nothing for me, on the contrary, they make me puke. Nothing beats a good looking chick in a mini one inch below see level.